Wedding Photographers? What a freakin' mess!

So I have been attempting to find a wedding photographer in Utah. That isn't the hard part, the hard part is finding one that is good!
This is my wedding okay! I know some people will but I will not spend $2000 plus on a photographer that:

A) Makes me do the same cheesy, kitsch, lame poses or poses that are better left to high school prom pictures.
B) Thinks that innovative photography is the bride and groom on swings, in a park, by old tractors, by old everything.
C) Who will try to pose a bride and groom with assault weapons. How is that cool and romantic?! You are NOT James Bond! You are a dorky couple from Utah!!!!!

Finding a good wedding photographer has become a HUGE pain. Everyone is the same. Sure their pictures may differ in quality, but pose wise, I have seen the same pictures in everyone's home and everyone's scrapbooks.
Give me a break people! I for one know that any picture where my family is cheering while my fiance and I kiss is not going to happen. Heaven help the photographer that tries to pull that one! Sorry this is not a deodorant or gum commercial, no one is cheering like that.

P.S. Upside down, weird angles distorting the bride and groom is not innovative. If the bride and groom look like their in some weird acid trip, you are a bad photographer.