Cabella's :The religion not the store

            My brother in law has come up with an absolutely genius money making scheme, oops I mean tool. Since Cabala has become popular among celebrity gentiles that know absolutely nothing about Judaism, it got us thinking, hey, if jerks like Madonna can charge ridiculous amounts for Cabala bracelets, why don't we start our own new celebritant religion! It shall be known as, Cabellas!
                 We will sell camouflage strings to tie around our member's wrists for $5. Then we will sell camouflage candles and outdoor supplies with a 85% mark up! We will tell our members to go camping in the woods for years at a time and to only use our products so that they don't taint their meditation process with the outside world or electricity. We could make entire Cabella's communities that must live off our products! We could all worship creepy stuffed animals that they have hung in the stores.

Mall Conversations- so dumb it could be Reality TV

       Today our true life Mall conversation takes place at the "University Mall" in Orem, Utah, which is quickly mutating into "Fashion Island: of Southern California. Oy ve.
   Two girls that are about 6 feet 2 inches tall, with identical hair, identical $200 jeans, and $150 identical sunglasses. Girl 1: "Oh my gosh what size are you?!" Girl 2 looking embarrassed: "A size 4". Girl 1: "Oh my gosh! Me too!" Both girls hug and look like they may burst into tears.
   The End.
  For more ridiculously stupid conversations just sit on your local shopping mall bench and soak in the local flavor of your city!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder or turn crazy?

        Today I had to once again had to say goodbye to my best friend. I was not happy about it. My fiance and I woke up at 4 am to drop him off at the airport. After I had to say goodbye to the person I thought I would be marrying in 4 weeks to his recruiter casually said, "Sorry" casually and then left quickly. Its probably a good thing he did leave quickly because I wanted to punch him in the face.
       My siblings, there are 7 of them, who live all over the United States have been planning to come to this wedding. Now many of them can't make it. My maids of honor, my two nieces, who have been planning this with me long distance for 8 months now can not attend the wedding. It has cost my family a lot of money to reschedule and all this army officer had to say was, "oh, sorry".
      This wasn't a movie that we were all planning to see together, it was probably the last time my family could all get together at one time.  I wanted to end this is in a funny or satirical way, but it's too hard. I hated the ARMY before, and now I really hate them. This is my life. On the bright side, I am going to attempt to fill my life with crafts and staying busy, because I am now jobless and my fiance is gone.

Dear Brainless Gits who run the U.S. ARMY

Well, once again the men running the U.S. ARMY have done it again! By the way, all of this is completely true and factual.
            My fiance was scheduled leave to be trained for something he can not be deployed for, on Friday morning. Oh, but wait, there has been a mistake! Surprise, Surprise! He was supposed to leave this morning! Oh wait just a second, they made a mistake! We got a call 2 minutes after that call letting us know that my fiance would be deployed in the morning! Oh wait, they got the base wrong, now they know which base he is being deployed to! Whoopsie!
         So to the incompetent gits who are running the U.S. ARMY, if you are in charge of something that expensive, GET A BRAIN! You have the organizational skills of a 14 year olds at a summer camp!

Ah, the life of a soon to be ARMY wife.........

           Now that my life and the the cycle of the moon have all been dictated by the U.S. ARMY, it means some major adjustments to my life.
     For example; my wedding which we have been waiting and planning the last 8 months around, had to be moved. Instead of getting married in 4 weeks, I'm getting married in 10 weeks! Hooray! And maybe not even then! Isn't the spontaneity of the ARMY great?!
     My fiance got orders to leave to train for a unit that he can't be deployed for, this week! That's right, he is training for 10 weeks during our wedding for something that he actually can't be deployed for! Talk about some smart planning and wise investment! His actually deployment date keeps moving up every 6 months, so naturally, we expect him to be deployed at any moment, maybe even yesterday!

Life is like a horrible reality show, and then you die.....

Lately my life has been like one long reality show that should have been canceled after the first episode. I hate drama, so that is probably why it follows me everywhere.
I have had too many decisions that are life changing happening in one month, well to be fair, over the last two months. At this point emotionally I wonder why someone hasn't just canceled my show or changed the channel?! Heaven knows I want to! I would go right to "The Simpsons" or
"Mythbusters"!
The problem is that this is totally beyond my power. I feel like a branch being bent in every direction and I don't know when I am going to snap.
So while I play the waiting game, to the the guys who keep sending our soldiers to win an un-winable war in the Middle East: May swarms of disease ridden cats wander into your various homes and have diarrhea on every piece of furniture and clothing that you have. Then may a flock of turkeys with the runs decide to nest permanently in your beds. Hopefully the smell attract chihuahuas and you can go insane listening to their horrible shrill barking, because I will lock you in and sell the key on ebay.