Created my own Military Support Group Page

After dealing with many fiascos regarding the military, I have decided to create my own Support group for spouses of military people who would like to become Pro-Active & Educated! I was so tired of spouses and military personel just accepting that this was the way the military ran. So as a political activist and librarian I decided that it is time people get informed as to their rights!

 http://www.military.com/HomePage/UnitCreatedPage/0,11003,892128,00.html

Cabella's :The religion not the store

            My brother in law has come up with an absolutely genius money making scheme, oops I mean tool. Since Cabala has become popular among celebrity gentiles that know absolutely nothing about Judaism, it got us thinking, hey, if jerks like Madonna can charge ridiculous amounts for Cabala bracelets, why don't we start our own new celebritant religion! It shall be known as, Cabellas!
                 We will sell camouflage strings to tie around our member's wrists for $5. Then we will sell camouflage candles and outdoor supplies with a 85% mark up! We will tell our members to go camping in the woods for years at a time and to only use our products so that they don't taint their meditation process with the outside world or electricity. We could make entire Cabella's communities that must live off our products! We could all worship creepy stuffed animals that they have hung in the stores.

Mall Conversations- so dumb it could be Reality TV

       Today our true life Mall conversation takes place at the "University Mall" in Orem, Utah, which is quickly mutating into "Fashion Island: of Southern California. Oy ve.
   Two girls that are about 6 feet 2 inches tall, with identical hair, identical $200 jeans, and $150 identical sunglasses. Girl 1: "Oh my gosh what size are you?!" Girl 2 looking embarrassed: "A size 4". Girl 1: "Oh my gosh! Me too!" Both girls hug and look like they may burst into tears.
   The End.
  For more ridiculously stupid conversations just sit on your local shopping mall bench and soak in the local flavor of your city!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder or turn crazy?

        Today I had to once again had to say goodbye to my best friend. I was not happy about it. My fiance and I woke up at 4 am to drop him off at the airport. After I had to say goodbye to the person I thought I would be marrying in 4 weeks to his recruiter casually said, "Sorry" casually and then left quickly. Its probably a good thing he did leave quickly because I wanted to punch him in the face.
       My siblings, there are 7 of them, who live all over the United States have been planning to come to this wedding. Now many of them can't make it. My maids of honor, my two nieces, who have been planning this with me long distance for 8 months now can not attend the wedding. It has cost my family a lot of money to reschedule and all this army officer had to say was, "oh, sorry".
      This wasn't a movie that we were all planning to see together, it was probably the last time my family could all get together at one time.  I wanted to end this is in a funny or satirical way, but it's too hard. I hated the ARMY before, and now I really hate them. This is my life. On the bright side, I am going to attempt to fill my life with crafts and staying busy, because I am now jobless and my fiance is gone.

Dear Brainless Gits who run the U.S. ARMY

Well, once again the men running the U.S. ARMY have done it again! By the way, all of this is completely true and factual.
            My fiance was scheduled leave to be trained for something he can not be deployed for, on Friday morning. Oh, but wait, there has been a mistake! Surprise, Surprise! He was supposed to leave this morning! Oh wait just a second, they made a mistake! We got a call 2 minutes after that call letting us know that my fiance would be deployed in the morning! Oh wait, they got the base wrong, now they know which base he is being deployed to! Whoopsie!
         So to the incompetent gits who are running the U.S. ARMY, if you are in charge of something that expensive, GET A BRAIN! You have the organizational skills of a 14 year olds at a summer camp!

Ah, the life of a soon to be ARMY wife.........

           Now that my life and the the cycle of the moon have all been dictated by the U.S. ARMY, it means some major adjustments to my life.
     For example; my wedding which we have been waiting and planning the last 8 months around, had to be moved. Instead of getting married in 4 weeks, I'm getting married in 10 weeks! Hooray! And maybe not even then! Isn't the spontaneity of the ARMY great?!
     My fiance got orders to leave to train for a unit that he can't be deployed for, this week! That's right, he is training for 10 weeks during our wedding for something that he actually can't be deployed for! Talk about some smart planning and wise investment! His actually deployment date keeps moving up every 6 months, so naturally, we expect him to be deployed at any moment, maybe even yesterday!

Life is like a horrible reality show, and then you die.....

Lately my life has been like one long reality show that should have been canceled after the first episode. I hate drama, so that is probably why it follows me everywhere.
I have had too many decisions that are life changing happening in one month, well to be fair, over the last two months. At this point emotionally I wonder why someone hasn't just canceled my show or changed the channel?! Heaven knows I want to! I would go right to "The Simpsons" or
"Mythbusters"!
The problem is that this is totally beyond my power. I feel like a branch being bent in every direction and I don't know when I am going to snap.
So while I play the waiting game, to the the guys who keep sending our soldiers to win an un-winable war in the Middle East: May swarms of disease ridden cats wander into your various homes and have diarrhea on every piece of furniture and clothing that you have. Then may a flock of turkeys with the runs decide to nest permanently in your beds. Hopefully the smell attract chihuahuas and you can go insane listening to their horrible shrill barking, because I will lock you in and sell the key on ebay.

Alien face is the new in, at least from what I've seen

So being surrounded by magazines with celebrities telling women to stop looking like normal human beings and start looking like space aliens has made me wonder, what the crap is going on?! Okay, you out there, all four of you readers, should be seriously alarmed by the new trend of 21 and 22 year old women getting botox and face lifts. Have we really hit that low?! Normal, beautiful women are getting their faces "surgically enhanced" when they don't need it!

Sorry, but unless you have been through something like Darth Vader had in star wars and your face has melted off, you don't need it!!!!!!!!!!! All of these celebrities getting botox look like cupie-doll, alien faced weird creatures. It is NOT attractive. You are only 21, you shouldn't be shooting toxic chemicals into your face to look like "Skankie-pants Barbie". You should be traveling the world, living in dumps, going to college, and living your life! So girls, especially a certain freakish looking member of "The Hills" cast, give it a rest. You were beautiful before! Now I'm not sure whether you look more like an alien or a fish, with implants of course.

Jazz Sweeties

I have to share this story, and I am not at all super sappy. I hate chick flicks, and I love historical war movies, so do not suppose that I am the eewey gooey type.
I have been listening to a local Jazz band play for about an hour now. They are awesome! They are a small group with a very sexy sound. Deliciously vintage. What I love is that there is a guy who has come to see the singer perform. Whether he realizes it or not we can all see him singing along while he is pretending to be interested in a magazine. Not only that he is so focused on her. His whole face lights up every time she smiles at him. I hope she noticed, because the rest of us in Borders certainly did!

We love you Baldrick!

This is one of the best shows ever created! Not only does it have Tony Robinson "Baldrick" From television's "Black Adder", it actually shows the jobs for each period in history.
We love you Baldrick!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-worst-jobs-in-history

A new chapter of life-

So I am sitting in Borders because of their free internet access. I am working on several trillion essays that are melting my brain with each passing sentence. I'm listening to Mozart to help my writing but I still feel fuzzy, after about 20 pages of writing its inevitable. The other people sitting around me are on facebook or checking out the trailers for the new Zach Effron movie.
Its just another reminder to me that my life is changing everyday. I'd probably be in here watching "The Simpsons" if I didn't feel extreme guilt and anxiety over school. The thing is, I just want to be done. I have been in and out of college for over a decade and I am sick, nigh unto death, of it! Saturday morning I laid in bed and watched old "Tom and Jerry" Cartoons. By "old" I mean they were actually funny and not super loaded with caffeine. It made me wonder, where has my life gone? I'm getting married in two months, how on earth did that happen? When did I become a grownup? Is there any way to slow down my life and still enjoy it?

Vote for Britt and Matt's Wedding!

By the Way,
Vote for Britt and Matt!
That way we can treat all of our friends to a huge Luau if we win this contest for our wedding!

http://apps.facebook.com/dexknows/contests/28230/voteable_entries/4210073?ref=mf

Confessions

So I have to admit, I think of certain foods with accents. For example, today I put out some miny danish for my roommates. It is the week before finals which is a total nightmare. We do nothing but write papers and work on assignments that we have been putting off for two weeks straight and then we have to clean and move out of our apartment. I can't tell you how much is sucks.
So to lessen the stress I put danish out for people to snack on. I know they are really unhealthy, but you try writing 16 papers with low blood sugar. Then you can lecture me.
Anyway, it occured to me that I was writing the note for people to eat these with a French accent. "Who arrrre you to resist me!?" and "Geeeve in my preetyz! Hoh, Hoh, Hoh!". I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks of certain foods having accents, I'm probably just the only person who will admit it. Ariba!

Wedding Photographers? What a freakin' mess!

So I have been attempting to find a wedding photographer in Utah. That isn't the hard part, the hard part is finding one that is good!
This is my wedding okay! I know some people will but I will not spend $2000 plus on a photographer that:

A) Makes me do the same cheesy, kitsch, lame poses or poses that are better left to high school prom pictures.
B) Thinks that innovative photography is the bride and groom on swings, in a park, by old tractors, by old everything.
C) Who will try to pose a bride and groom with assault weapons. How is that cool and romantic?! You are NOT James Bond! You are a dorky couple from Utah!!!!!

Finding a good wedding photographer has become a HUGE pain. Everyone is the same. Sure their pictures may differ in quality, but pose wise, I have seen the same pictures in everyone's home and everyone's scrapbooks.
Give me a break people! I for one know that any picture where my family is cheering while my fiance and I kiss is not going to happen. Heaven help the photographer that tries to pull that one! Sorry this is not a deodorant or gum commercial, no one is cheering like that.

P.S. Upside down, weird angles distorting the bride and groom is not innovative. If the bride and groom look like their in some weird acid trip, you are a bad photographer.

Slum lords, you will get what is coming to you!

Alrighty,
so I have just discovered the joy of planning a wedding, nada! Suddenly it has crept up on me that I have a little over 3 months to plan the wedding, 3 weeks to finish 16 papers for school, find a place to live, and so forth.
Hooray! So far my wedding theme is:" I don't care"
My colors are: "I don't care, just no crappy pastels"
My photographer is: "uh....."
At least I now have a date set and I already have my dress. I bought a prom dress on clearance and it has everything I want namely: 1.It was $100 2. No poof whatsoever 3. I can put it on by myself.

So really, I just want a chill party not really a reception. I hate how much work and money goes into wedding that end in a year and a half. So the things that are final are:
1. I will be serving snow cones, so get over it
2. I will have a candy bar
3. We will probably have popcorn
4. I don't care about a cake, I'd rather have a tier of cupcakes or even brownies.
In the meantime, I would just like to put a curse out on all of you slum lords who take advantage of poor people. Ptewy! You will reap what you sew! Who in their right mind puts a toilet in a kitchen!?

Yes, you are that crazy and stupid

So, I have been thinking about the road of life lately.... I have been wondering how on earth I was so lucky to fall in love with my best friend. Yes, I realize that I am twitter-pated, but look, I have dated some real SCHMUCKS. I have paid my dues to the evil, Jerk you Around God. I have dated drug and sex addicts, masochists, abusers and guys so vain they could put Paris Hilton to shame.So how did I end up with a good guy? Well, first of all, he was my best friend. It pays to have some guys in your life who refuse to let you settle for less. Those guys and gals have kept me grounded.

Anyway, so what I was asking myself, is were some of these other people who annoyed me so bad? Was it my attitude or theirs?

Upon serious reflection I have realized, yeah, some people really are that irritating or completely insane. I always feel like I'm over-reacting but its also a relief to realize, yeah, some people are totally nuts and probably someone needs to tell them eventually that if they don't knock it off, they will get shot in the face with a bazooka. Hopefully in L.A. or New York.

Personally, I think that the reason some people like say oh, the Kardashians have body guards is not to keep them from getting kidnapped, its so that when they are shopping a sales associate isn't tempted to rip the arm off of a mannequin and beat them down.

Oh, P.S.

Oh and P.S. I am even less typical in that I am 6 years older than my fiance' and I am 30. Wha-what! So I am officially a cougar, at least I think I am, I think you have to be 3 or 4 years older than your "significant other".

New Year, tons of changes

So I haven't written in a while because I've had a lot going on. I ilove any DIY wedding ideas because I will be getting married this July!!!!! I am not a very typical bride in any sense, and I'm even less of a typical Utah bride.

I'm getting stuff done now so that I won't do the typical Utah Bride thing of planning everything quickly in two months or less. I have about 7 months and I love love love all the DIY wedding blogs I have found. There are soooooooo many great ideas!